I’ve got a blooper reel running in my head. No, it’s not the kind of reel you’d expect after a day of business or trading mishaps. This isn’t about missed opportunities or the times I could’ve done better in my career. This is the real blooper reel. The one that plays on a loop whenever I let my guard down.
It’s the awkward social moments, the times I misread the room, and the moments when I know—deep down—I’ve let people down. It’s about failing to live up to my own standards. Every time I should have been more present, more compassionate, or just plain more human… I’m there in my head, replaying it all.
What’s strange is that it’s always running. Every conversation, every social interaction, every moment where I didn’t say the right thing or dropped the ball—it loops in my mind, over and over. And I’m not sure how to turn it off. Not because I haven’t tried, but because it’s like the movie I didn’t ask to be the star of. It just keeps going.
I’m not diagnosed with OCD (though, who knows, maybe that’s in the cards for later). I’ve got ADHD—which is probably part of the reason why I sometimes struggle to focus on what’s in front of me rather than the endless mental reruns. But ADHD doesn’t explain the constant mental commentary. That’s all me, every day, reliving these moments in vivid, technicolor detail like I’m trapped in an infinite loop of social faux pas.
Maybe the “blooper reel” is universal—we just don’t admit it out loud. But I can’t help but feel like I’m watching a never-ending series of mistakes, and the worst part is, I imagine everyone who has been on the receiving end missteps is constantly watching too. So the shame and embarrassment are always turned up to 11.
I don’t want this to sound like some “woe is me” post. The reality is, I’m working through this. I’m figuring out how to let go of the things that don’t serve me and focus on what’s ahead. But it’s hard. It’s exhausting. And for someone who’s spent years building businesses, trading gold, and dealing with the stresses of life, it’s a whole new level of self-inflicted pressure.
I know I’m not the only one dealing with this. There are so many of us out there—fighting to silence the self-doubt, the moments we didn’t do or say enough. The truth is, it’s a battle. And some days, I’m winning. Other days? I’m stuck rewinding the same mistakes, trying to “fix” things that are long past fixing.
But here’s the thing: I’m learning to embrace the fact that perfection doesn’t exist. That reel may never stop playing, but maybe I don’t have to listen to it on repeat. I’m still human, and I’ll still make mistakes, but I’m trying to make peace with the fact that I don’t need to be perfect.
So if you’re out there feeling like I am—stuck in your own head, running your personal blooper reel—just know you’re not alone. We’re all trying to find a way to live with the past, move forward, and make the future just a little less complicated.
Mike McCready 